Try
by Symee-Sama
Summary: Relena's shoulders shook with silent sobs, and the tears that she had tried so hard to hold back streamed down her cheeks. She pushed her hair from her face, and cradled the ring in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she cried to the band of gold. “I’m so


Try: Part 1  
By Symee-Sama

Disclaimer: I don't Gundam Wing, or this song.

Relena sat in her office, rubbing a hand across her eyes as she attempted to read the newest reports from colony X-24516. They were requesting funds for the repair of their failing life support systems. She read it through, and then paged her secretary, asking her to get a hold of the Preventors.

Relena tapped her fingers on the desk as she waited for the call to go through, smiling when Lady Une's face appeared on the screen. "I need an operative to go to colony X-24516, and assess the state of its life support system." Relena didn't waste any time on pleasantries, knowing that Une would not appreciate them.

"Why don't you send in a dignitary?" Une asked sharply, wracking her mind for an available agent who had the technological knowledge needed for this mission. "Surely they would be better received than a Preventor."

"The Colony is in a state of anarchy right now. It would be unwise to send someone who didn't know how to defend themselves."

"I understand. Take care of yourself," Une ordered, her expression softening as she noticed the shadows under the Vice Foreign Minister's eyes. "Une, out."

Relena stared at the blank screen for a few moments after Une had disconnected. Was it that obvious? Were her feelings that plain? She paged her secretary again. "Denise, could you come in here please?" Relena leaned back in her chair, stretching her muscles. She couldn't be seen as vulnerable. Not while she was in a position of power.

Denise knocked once before breezing into Relena's office. They had worked together for years now, and both were comfortable with each others habits and demands. Relena smiled at her friend, and motioned for her to sit. Noticing suddenly that although they were the same age, she looked years older than Denise did.

_/././All I know, is everything is not as it's sold, but the more I know, the less I grow././_

"I need to know what the press has been saying about me lately." Relena said through gritted teeth, hating to rely on the media for anything. "Have they been saying that I look tired? Pale? Unfit to govern in any way?"

"If you're this worried about the press, maybe you should read the papers," Denise said lightly, before realising that Relena was being serious. "They haven't said anything about your health, or your capability. Although there was an article in yesterday's paper that speculated about a relationship between you and Mr. Adrian Price."

"Horrible man," Relena's shoulders slumped in relief. Une had only noticed her condition because she was a friend. "Every time I'm around him, it feels like my skin wants to crawl away from me."

"If he's so slimy," Denise began slowly, working through scenarios in her head. "Why are you insisting on seeing him? You're having dinner with him tonight, and I'm sure you're going to see him again after today. You dislike him so, but you're dating him. It doesn't make sense."

"There are things that are more important than personal preference," Relena waved her hand vaguely, and turned away from her secretary, looking out on the people who hurried on the streets below her. "Adrian is quite infatuated with me, and that's all I care about right now."

"I don't understand," Denise began, only to be interrupted by Relena's upraised hand.

"You don't have to," Relena smiled, turning back from the window. "It's really of no consequence. Now why don't you leave early tonight? I'm planning on leaving in about ten minutes so I'll have time to prepare for my date with Adrian. Why don't you leave early as well?"

Denise looked at her boss carefully. "That would be nice. Thank you." She forced a smile, and collected the papers that Relena was finished with. "Have a good night, Miss Relena."

"I will thank you," Relena smiled back, and waited until Denise closed the door behind her to let the smile fall. She buried her face in her hands, and tried to suppress the sobs that wracked her body. This was harder than she had ever imagined.

She picked up a picture from her desk. It had been taken over a year ago, and it showed Heero with his arms around her, smiling and laughing at the camera. They had been so happy. So very much in love, and now he was gone, and she couldn't reach him, no matter how hard she tried.

He was beyond her reach, and she was dating Adrian.

_How did this happen?_ She asked herself, angrily wiping the tears from her cheeks with her free hand. _How did it come to this, Heero?_ Relena waited for a few moments, breathing deeply, and wishing with all her heart, that Heero was with her, to guide her, to support her... to love her.

"I miss you so much," she said softly, and wiped the last of her tears from her face. Straightening her shoulders, she scolded herself for losing control of herself. With a final glance, she placed Heero's picture face down on her desk.

She didn't want him to see her with Adrian tonight.

8&8&8&8&8

_./././And I have lived so many lives, though I'm not old././_

She dressed carefully; a slinky black dress, just the right amount of mascara, and a toned down lipstick. She left her hair down, fluffing it out so she looked young and vulnerable. Adrian liked it when she looked young and vulnerable. He liked his women weak, and completely dependent.

Relena gritted her teeth. She would play to his needs. She would do everything she needed to make him hers. She would play the frail and needy female, even if it killed her in the process. She looked at herself in the mirror, hating the image she presented. Where was the strong woman that Heero had loved? Her shoulders slumped. Maybe it had died with him.

A princess from birth, Relena thought cynically. That's what she was. A princess who had lost her family, and become a spoiled rich girl. A affluent and popular teenager who returned to her roots to become the princess of Sanq once again, and then dissolved her kingdom to save the lives of her friends.

A nationless princess who became Queen of the world, and again, stepped down from her position, so she wouldn't have to compromise her ideals. To being the Vice Foreign Minister and helping to lead the free world.

What was she? A princess, queen, or politician? Relena smiled sadly at her reflection. She was all and none of them at the same time. Heero had been the first person to see her as only a woman, and she had loved him for it.

And now, she was preparing to trample all over her pride in order to seduce another man.

_./././The more I see, the less I grow. The fewer the seeds, the more I sow././_

She wondered if Heero would still love her if he could see her now, and turned from the mirror, not able to stand the sight of herself any longer. She heard Pagan calling her, and made her way downstairs, a broad grin appearing on her face when she saw Adrian.

"Darling!" She wrapped her arms around him, and kissed his cheek. "Are you ready to go?" He nodded, grabbing her ass, and squeezing it.

"You look great, babe." He sneered, pulling her closer to him, and shoving his tongue in her mouth. Not caring that Pagan was standing right there, or that Relena wasn't responding as avidly as she usually did. "Can't wait to show you off."

"To show me... off?" Relena gave a confused smile, and flicked her fingers at Pagan, motioning for him to leave. She didn't want him to hear this. "What do you mean, Adrian?"

"I thought that just us going out for dinner would be boring as hell," Adrian said with a self assured smile. "I mean, we already know lots about each other right? I figured that I'd introduce you to my friends." He squeezed her again. "You've got such a great ass, it would be a shame to not show it off."

"Of course," her smile faltered, but Adrian didn't notice. He was already leading her out the door. "Come on," he ordered, pushing her into his car. "We don't want to be late."

Relena said nothing, simply closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of her seat. _Heero,_ she thought miserably. _Please forgive me._

&8&8&8&8&

Relena returned home in the wee hours of the night, stinking of cigarettes and alcohol, she passed her coat to Pagan, noting the disapproval in his eyes, and for once, not caring. "Is it really worth all this, Miss Relena?"

"It's worth everything," she answered, and for the second time that day, the tears began to fall. "It will keep him safe, and that's worth everything." She sank to the floor. "When he touches me, I feel like I'm going to be sick, and he keeps insinuating that he's expecting me to go further with him."

"Stop this, Miss Relena." Pagan urged as he knelt down beside her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There must be another way to do this." He helped her up, and led her up to her room. "There must be someone else who could do this."

"There's no one else who has enough beauty and power to attract Adrian's eye," Relena trembled as Pagan maneuvered her into her bed. Relena pulled away from Pagan, and ran to the bathroom, emptying her stomach of the alcohol and bad food she had consumed earlier. "I need to do this." She said as she washed out her mouth with water.

"But surely..."

"It keeps him safe!" Relena snapped. "Don't you understand, Pagan? As long as I'm with Adrian, Heero's safe... and I'll do anything that I have to in order to keep him that way. Even if it means giving myself to that pig."

"He wouldn't want you to suffer like this," Pagan admonished softly, and led her back to her bed, tucking her in with her clothes still on and sitting on the side of the bed. "I know he wouldn't want you hurting yourself for him."

"He doesn't have a say in this," Relena said bitterly, her words slurred slightly from the excessive amount of alcohol she'd had. "If he were to come back to me, and tell me so to my face, then I'd stop, but... I need to do this, Pagan." Tears welled in her eyes. "I love him."

"I know you do," he brushed a kiss upon her brow. "But remember that there are people who love and worry about you." He held her smooth hand in his weathered one, and squeezed it gently. "Sleep, Miss Relena, and dream well."

"You won't leave?" She asked softly, sounding like she was ten years old again, and afraid of the dark.

"I won't leave you," Pagan promised.

"Thanks," she muttered, and her eyes fluttered closed. Pagan waited for a few minutes, watching as he breathing steadied, and then walked over to the far side of the room, and pulled a chair beside her bed. It would be a long night, but he wouldn't leave when his princess needed him.

&8&8&8&8&

./././_Then I see you standing there, wanting more from me, and all I can do is try./././_

Relena woke up slowly, her mind slowly retreating from the numbness of dreams to face reality. She moved her head to glance at her clock, and instantly wished that she hadn't. Her head felt like someone was cutting into it with a knife, and her mind, that was a highly unpleasant feeling.

She struggled to focus her sleepy eyes on the blinking numbers on her clock/radio, and slumped back into the bed when she saw what time it was. It was mid-morning, and she should have been at her office hours ago.

"Pagan?" She called, and grimaced, making noise was a mistake. She pressed a hand to her head, and willed the pain there to go away. "Pagan..." She muttered as she turned to look at the clock again, her gaze falling on the picture beside it.

Tears welled in her eyes, as she looked at her favourite picture of Heero and her. Like the one she had in her office, it was obvious that they were in love. Heero was resting his arm loosely around her waist, and she laughing at something he'd said, and flashing a diamond ring at the camera.

It had been taken on the day that Heero had proposed to her, and had promised to bind his life to hers because he loved her. Ignoring the throbbing in her head, she stumbled over to her desk, and opened the bottom drawer. Her hands were trembling as she pulled out the little velvet box that contained the ring he had given her.

It wasn't ornate by any means, in fact it was just the opposite. A simple band of white gold. Duo had once joked with her that it had been all that Heero could afford on a Preventors' salary, but Relena didn't care. The simplicity of it touched her, and reminded her of Heero.

Her hand closed around the ring, and she closed her eyes as if that would make the pain go away. She hated that she couldn't wear the ring that he'd bought her. She hated that she had to hide her love for him; that she had to denounce it in order to get what she wanted.

Angry with herself, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Self-pity would get her nowhere. She needed to be strong if she was to get what she wanted. Her mind made up, she called for Pagan, doing her best to ignore the throbbing pain in her head.

"Yes, Miss Relena?" Pagan waited expectantly at her door. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Relena nodded, holding tightly onto her composure. "I would like to see Heero today. Would you be able to drive me?"

"Of course, Miss Relena," Pagan gave a slight bow, and moved away, leaving Relena alone again.

Relena slumped down on the bed, and thought about what her life had become. She had to tell Heero what she was doing. She had to let him know that Adrian meant nothing more to her than a means to an end. She didn't think she would be able to make it through another day without telling him that.

Her shoulders shook with silent sobs, and the tears that she had tried so hard to hold back streamed down her cheeks. Relena pushed back her hair from her face, and cradled the ring in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she cried to the band of gold. "I'm so very sorry."

_./././Then I see you standing there, watching over me, and all I can do is try./././_

__

Author's Note: This is the first of three parts, and true to my usual style, there is a whole lot of angst. Although I can promise some 1xR in the next chapter. Any comments/criticisms, please review.


End file.
